Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around
There is a suspicion that New York City girls coordinate their calendars to find Love. We go to bars, baseball games, socials, galas, join gyms and book clubs in hopes to meet the perfect mate. I never subscribed to that notion. New York City for the longest time was my greatest companion. The museums, the theaters, the sprawling parks and endless city blocks…the shopping; all designed for the single gal. If you happened to meet a nice guy along the way, wonderful; if not, the city’s by your side. Love was never something I LOOKED for, and even if it was right in front of me I’ll be so deep into my work and own selfish agenda that my glasses are fogged and I can’t see straight.
But then I heard a voice behind me walking in to work. Her tone matched the sunny skies and I could feel her elation. A typical mid-western girl, looking for love in the city that never sleeps, “I never thought it would happen. And now here we are, planning a WEDDING!” I didn’t have to turn around, her bright eyes and smile where penetrating my back. I had no choice, like the Grinch trying to resist Christmas, I tried to push away the wave of romanticism, but it infiltrated my heart.
I thought of John Keats writing to Fanny Brawne, “You have absorbed me.” In itself, it’s what we all want to feel (maybe). A sense of completeness that’s only fulfilled by the union with another’s entire being. But when you think of Keats and Brawne, the actuality is the restraint in that love, and ultimately, the tragedy . It was the only love story t that could match watch I felt at that moment, such an ambivalence. A wish to cheer love on, but a chilly reminder that it often doesn’t work out the way you want without a fight. And even when you do fight, you have to constantly remind yourself what you’re fighting for and really know that it’s WORTH it. That you’re holding onto a unique love, with an appetite that couldn’t be whetted by anyone else (or at least not without some sort of delusion). And that’s wrong even to write, because as soon as you have to shut something off in order to find a place for someone else, they can never be the Great Love…the love that forces the world around you to smile.
Her friend, who I suspect was a little older begins to give advice about hiring a DJ vs. hiring a band (ah, the eternal question). “I’m indecisive,” the newly engaged girl replies, “but I’m open to suggestions. In fact, I could really use some advice,” which made me giggle out loud. When it comes to matters of the heart, can’t we all?
