I spent the weekend thinking about relationships that have gone sideways over time, and the irrelevant advice we give to our friends (or sisters) going through heartbreak. “You don’t need him,” “Let’s face it, you were a catch for him,” and the one I despise the most, “If it’s meant to be it will be.” We couple that with all the things we are taught when we are growing up. If a boy is mean to you he likes you; every girl gets a Cinderella wedding because someday you will meet a wonderful man and get your very own happy ending. Every Disney movie we see, every story we’re read or told cautions us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule that when things aren’t perfect…it’s over for good.

But in many cases we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to acknowledge the red flags. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. Some of us (like me) put our men through impossible obstacle courses, and others just ignore the signs; constantly telling ourselves that our man will do the right thing this time, this one will STAY, when the truth is, he might not. And he might not because he just doesn’t care that much about you.

And when he leaves, we all rally to share our words of wisdom, “You’ll find someone else,” “I never liked him to begin with,” even my father kindly refers to one of my ex’s as “Asshole,” when the break-up was 80% my doing. You have to love them all for trying, but sometimes it does more harm than good, because it’s always been my contention that perhaps a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Maybe the happy ending is  just moving on.