As I published my “Best in Arts, 2009″ in our Culture section, I couldn’t help but reflect upon my own life and all that was gained and lost over the last 12 months. It comes as no surprise, dear readers, that 2009 hasn’t been good to me. Some of  it turned sour because of my own doing: I destroyed the relationship with my “Great Love” because I kept 20 years of anger, frustration, despair and un-truths too close to my sleeve and was just plain scared of something that was “too good to be true” (that of course is the short version). The other half was 1 part bad karma and 2 parts just plain ole’ bad luck: my dog Lulu died, my little sister got her heart broken, my mother betrayed my trust, I was in and out of doctor’s offices, my best friend turned out to be as mediocre, gossipy and disloyal as a high school girl trying to be crowned Homecoming Queen when she knows she doesn’t have the goods, and was I left with, what seemed like, nothing. (Again, this is the short list…I’m not brave enough to divulge every tragedy yet.)

But a few months after the loss of all the things I believed in and WANTED to trust, even if my little heart couldn’t let it right away, disappeared from my life I started to walk down a very straight and narrow path in a definite direction. This may sound obvious to alot of you, but growing up and just trying to stay afloat doesn’t necessarily give you the energy necessary to start heading north right away. But I kept treading and prodding and figuring out what I was responsible for verse what was beyond my control, and all of a sudden (well, maybe not so suddenly) I was able to start writing as often as I liked and even published a few articles outside of Pro Diligo, I found the job that I’ve wanted for the past 2 years, new friends found their way into my life, and I started doing some philanthropic work with cancer foundations. It was like my bad karma had claimed it’s dowry and I was left to move upward and onward.

So here I am, on the brink of 2010, somewhat cleansed and renewed, walking, slowly, steady and all alone…and just hoping that it’s all north from here.