We trust in the conventional knowledge that as we grow older, we grow wiser.

I remember the selfish days of my teenage years, where I would make choices that I felt were right, completely ignoring how they affected other people. Little things, like staying gout past curfew seemed nominal when I was just finishing watching a movie with a friend, but it kept my mother up worrying. (This was the time before mobile phones, so if I didn’t call her, she couldn’t call me.) Between the hours of 10:00 and 11:00 pm she probably thought I was dead, or hurt, or whatever other awful scenario one imagines in times of distress, while I’d be sitting munching popcorn, knowing I’d be home in a half hour. Selfish. Stupid. By the time I was in my 20′s and my younger sister started doing similar things, I finally understood the power of a phone call.

In my 20′s, I try to check in once a week with my family; I’ll call my sister, my aunt, BBM my cousin, text my father or mother. All sorts of things to keep the glue of this family as tacky as possible. It’s other areas that I fail these days, mostly in matters of the heart. It’s easy to forget that each person has their own code of conduct, their own “Rule Book.” What’s acceptable to me, might not work for someone else and vice versa.

I have a friend now who is toggling two women…sort of. He’s been casually seeing one for about a year, and another he met only recently. This new one and him have been doing lunches and weekday early evening dates to start, and he’s been seeing less and less of Woman A. In mind, and in his, that’s OK. If things are causal and open, and he’s only just starting to get to know Woman B, then so long as they don’t have the “Let’s be exclusive and monogamous”  talk, he’s not doing anything wrong. But MAYBE Woman B is on another page, maybe she’s thinking right away it’s serious. That’s the start of a huge problem and potential heartache. CLEAR COMMUNICATION IS CRUCIAL in ANY relationship, be it family, friends, colleagues, or lovers.

The older I get, the more I realize that people are who they are; you prefer what you prefer and you accept what you accept. If you’re up front about it, it eliminates some of the potential transgressions. I’d like to believe I’ve become less selfish with age, but there have been moments looking back where I just cringe at how thoughtless I was. I think we’ve all made decisions that were self-serving, that seemed like the right thing to do at the time…or maybe you just weren’t thinking things through all the way. Foresight is something I lack in almost all areas of my life, except when it comes to my career.

Truth be told, I wonder if I’ve gotten any wiser over the year. Perhaps as the stakes raise on our decisions, when our choices weigh a little more now that there aren’t the endless possibilities of inexperienced youth, we’ve just become more cautious…